It's all about beliefs and mindset. A good reframing made by a seasoned coach can lead instantly to a paradigm shift, to a new state of mind. All that remains is to implement this change, and that's where support is meaningful and necessary.
Moscow, 2015. I am performing one of my favorite exercise, namely to make a coaching demo in front of an audience composed by a hundred managers, coaches and psychologists. My client is a 32-year-old woman who wants to raise a family. She works a lot; she tends to take her colleagues for her family and doesn’t take enough time for herself. Her social relationships merely exist. Her self-esteem is low. In about 25 minutes, I make a series of reframing and encourage her – with my personal methods – to change her beliefs, about herself, about her ability to start a family, about life in general. She becomes aware that the only impact she has on her life is on element she has 100% control over – therefore only on her own attitudes, decisions and actions. Not on circumstances or people, and therefore not on the external environment. What a big click! She becomes aware that she has two options: wait like Sleeping Beauty or get moving as a good project manager like Cinderella – that’s the metaphor I use and which makes her laugh a lot.
During the debriefing, she confided to the room that she had made more progress in 25 minutes than in three years of psychotherapy. The room was doubtful and circumspect. A psychoanalyst harangued me, expressing his astonishment at my reframing and provoking questions, arguing that I “have no right to push my client around”. I replied that reframing is the number one tool of the coach whose job is precisely to generate awareness. With gentleness, kindness and humor, aren’t we reaching far better and quicker results? This is what makes the coaching process so powerful: it brings the person face to face with himself, like a mirror, to allow him to see the elements to be confirmed and modified and, thus, to make the first decisions leading him to the first actions.
It's all about Mindset and beliefs...
It’s so true! We have the ability to move mountains if we want to. Shovel after shovel, it’s doable. Maybe not a mountain, but at least a hill, a dune, a mound, in short the elements of our lives that can be arranged, contested and even revolutionized.
As for the state of mind – the famous Mindset – it is based on three elements: posture (straightening up), language (positivism) and intention/attention/focus (clarified, chosen, and implemented).
If I give myself permission and the means to take my shovel and start filling the first buckets, I can see the feasibility of moving my hill or dune. This encourages me to go ahead and gives me the energy to move my project forward.
The coach or mentor sits on the bench and supports me, being on the field. It is ME who is the champion of my life and who decide upon my goals and purpose. He is simply there to help me get out of confusion if it exists, to overcome my fear or resentment if it persists, to give me feedback to help me stay the course, to encourage me to take action and to congratulate me on the steps I have taken.